The one thing that our whole argument was based on has led to that one thing. Being alone on New Years. It's official, that I won't be bringing in the new year with vamps. I wasn't in court with him today cause apparently they called his case while I was still in the DVB answering there questions & trying to get a hold on things. I'm still lost on some of it but from what I get is that he's staying in jail until our case is closed &possibly after. Since he had a freakin felony charge on his record from years ago that he never went to court for I think, then he may be in there for a while. Idk what the hell is going to happen. I was pretty upset earlier but I don't want to get overly upset until I know what's going on for sure & since I wasn't there I'm going by what everyone else is saying & since NONE of those people know what he's gonna get if the prosecute him for those charges then I don't even know. All I know is what on of the people said, which was that it's an automatic three years. I really hope she's wrong but since it is pretty much a given that he is not coming back right now it's time for a serious plan B. Since all the other one were just sorta serious since I kinda felt me & him would somehow be able to do things together but now I'm being faced with the possibility that I'll be doing this alone. It's still a little bit of a make believe situation but it's a hell of a lot more real than it was just a week ago when all he was doing was going upstate for a few months to fix things. Now he's gone until who knows. Seriously if I would have known this I wouldn't have put up a fight when he was gonna join the military or I would have sent him upstate in the beginning of the month because one of the reasons I let him stay was cause he didn't wanna be there for the holiday & I didn't see why he should have too. Only he's spent not only Christmas but now he'll be spending New Years in jail. Lovely. Just fucking lovely.
In my head I keep saying "might" on a lot of things but if that charge is real then I know there for sure some type of jail time. So the he "might" miss his son/daughters birth. He "might" miss out on some of the first. He "might" be in there for longer than just a few weeks. I "might" have to do this on my own. We "might" be separated for a while. All the "mights" become "will".& it sucks. It sucks that we can't work on things. Or that it's gonna be REALLY hard to make it work, let alone better. It sucks that our kid will be affected by this. & what makes it all worse is that all of this isn't even cause of what he did to me. If he didn't have those previous charges on his record then he would be here right now. They would have let him go on that first day during arraignment. Ugh. I really hope what that lady said wasn't true. Maybe she read it wrong, or maybe that charge isn't what the warrant was for. Hey, I never actually thought of that. She said he was arrested twice maybe the felony one was resolved & this is for something else. Even though the other lady said it's automatic, so if he had it, unless it was his then he would have had to serve jail time. Which he said he didn't. Either I'm going to keep in mind that it's possible that it's not that bad.
I can only be optimistic right now. There really is no point in thinking about the bad stuff you already know is possible. In this point in time I have to think of the good possibilities. If I don't I'll probably lose it.
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