Hope

Vamps got arrested today. Why? Because I called the cops on him. Why? Because I was upset at the fact he had put his hands on me. I was freaking out at the fact that I couldn't stop bleeding. Things got really bad today, and this time I can't even say it wasn't partly my fault. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just express shit. This whole entire ordeal may probably could have been avoided if only I would had been able to let him in, or at least let my guard down long enough to tell him that I was prolonging it because I love him, that I do care. If I would have told him, there's just so much he doesn't know about me & since I can't tell him, he'll never know. One hopefully we get the chance the talk. I'm so fucking depressed right now, I'm scared that I'll never see him again. Even after everything that's happen tonight I know I still care for him. I know I still love him & if it was up to me I know what my choice would be when it came to us being together. I just need to make it through the, geez I hope that they can see him tomorrow so that he can be out, so we can talk. If he even wants to talk to me. I know this was the right thing to do but I also know that it didn't have to go this far. If we can make it through this then hopefully we can talk about making things better. I'm not saying that he doesn't need help because no matter which way you put it, he still needs help. & maybe I do to but since the cop at the precinct mentioned group counseling then hopefully we can get it together. I know I keep saying hopefully but that's all I have right now is hope. All I can do is hope that tomorrow brings good news. There's just so much that he does for me. That I do for him. That we do for each other. I just need my hope to stay alive & hope that his hope didn't die tonight.