End Of Christmas Eve 08

It is impossible to be fucking happy in this damn place. Tomorrow is Christmas & even though vamps is still going to be in jail for it I was happy that I got to talk to him & saw him but these people had to ruin it with there stupid comments. I can't stand it, they complain about me being secretive all the time but now they know something & they're being so fucking annoying. All I want is a hug so badly. & I can't even get that. I give up. You know what. Vamps may not be the right person for me, he may even be bad for me but he helps me out with things I need, & he means something to me & as crazy as that sounds & as crazy as this whole fucking situation is right now I really need him & the fact that I'm sitting here all alone with no one to hold me & tell me everything is going to be ok is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm wrong for wanting to be around him. for even still talking to him. Sometimes it just feels so right when I'm with him, & sadly no one will ever understand that. This is supposed to be where I show that I'm strong enough to deal with this but maybe by standing by him, it shows that I am weak. Or maybe this is just the way I am & this is the way I handle things. I keep thinking there's a right answer to this but maybe there isn't one.