Translation Please

Trying to decode vampy is by far one of the hardest things ever. I swear never have I met someone so simple that was so complicated. Dude's a walking oxymoron. He keeps saying that he's simple to please && at time he is but sometimes he goes into this weird mode where not only is it impossible to get through to him but impossible to please him. I'll literally go through the conversation 4 or 5 times trying to get a positive outcome but its like very rare that it'll happen if he's like that. Its funny though cause when we have conversations like that it's either after an argument or borderline. Meaning that if I don't proceed with caution I'm gonna be standing there with allen wishing I was somewhere else. I think I'm gonna call that his mine field. Simple concept. Extremly difficult to get through but still possible if careful.