Um...

I feel like shit right now if anyone cares. Why? Because It seems like I'm just forever wrong. No matter what I do thats right, I'm somehow simultaneously doing something else that's wrong. For the first time in a long time I'm actually putting myself on the line to the point where my heart actually hurts && my self esteem gets battered. Doesn't take much to do either since I'm practically trying like alls hell to figure out of this freakin maze called a relationship. Tryna figure out how to show I care but I guess I'm doing that wrong. I guess I show it too much. I guess I want to feel it too much. I guess I just want too much. I must be putting to much pressure on the situation by trying to open the chains. I guess I need to slow down a bit. Maybe that will get the flow of my emotions under control. Never thought I'd have to pull back on how I feel. *sigh* Not only that but I also have to figure out how to bend to make things work without completely losing myself in the process. Another prime example of how wrong I am. I have to do a freaking reconstruction on my mentality before me && vamps break up. Or worse, my inner being is completely crushed. SMH. Never had someone shove my mistakes in my face so much. It hurts I'll tell you that much, but I guess that's my fault for opening up to him. For thinking he was exempt from average human behavior. Its days like this that make me wonder is there even a point in sticking around. Yea I love him && care about him a lot but is any of it really worth it? Of course I won't know the answer to that until further down the line but yea....damn I feel like slicing my wrist && screaming off the top of a building from the pain. Watch the blood drip down && then call it a day.