So

Yesterday was probably by far the worst day ever && I can only blame myself for that. Why? Because if I had just told vampy "No, I'll meet you && then we can come by for cake." If I coulda just got him to understand that that's what I really wanted. To blow out my candles with him next to me. To open my present with him right there. Not having to worry about getting caught. Not having to watch everything said. Try to take the heat off the situation between my sister && us. Event though sitting here && thinking back I see that I only made that worse. Cause if I wasn't pissed off && listening to other people. Tryna do what they would do. I woulda either taken the moneu && called it a day. Or I woulda never agreed to let my mom talk to my sister about it until after vampy was gone. But since I refused to take my sisters test it led to the whole argument && on my birthday none the less. && that argument led to me not thinking straight. So we ended up getting caught. Yesterday is one birthday I will never forget but will try my damnedest to. I feel like I ruined my own birthday because the only thing I got that I actually wanted was the money. My mom ended up pissed at me. && I ended up hating my sister. All because I felt bad that vampy felt bad that he couldn't get me anything. Cause don't get me wrong....I'm not completely crazy. In the right state of mind I would have never agreed to let vampy sit in my room trying to go undetected on a day that's devoted to me when the house is filled with my family. But like I said I can only blame myself. Then to top it off vampy went && told my mom all these things I may or may not have said so now she's looking at him like he got some big ass balls, tryna tell her what's wrong with her family. && looking at me like I'm missing something for telling him && stupid for letting him think or talk about my family like that. Especially since right now he can't do anything for me && I can't take care of myself. I guess in my mind I was half thinking about that but more so about the love factor. So from there we went into another conversation about why I do the things I do && about family being all I got. Which led to me explaining the same shit all over again. I swear I think what pissed me off the most is that vampy always gets mad at me for not lying && that he said his main focus was so that I don't have stress at home. But by him doing the very thing he gets mad at me for it led to the one thing he says he's always trying to prevent. SMH. I pretty much wasted my birthday. && I feel really bad that my mom feels all her efforts were wasted. Damn I shoulda just left well enough alone. It's always worked before. I kinda wish I could just go back to Wednesday && go with my first instinct. Then none of this woulda happened.