Oh! Oh!

I have more schools to look into. As much as I wanted to get away, I may be staying. Hopefully I still move and whatnot but I may be a city resident for a little bit longer than just the summer.

I Need Sleep...

Ok so I've been up since like 8 something. I think 8:45ish. That's not early really but for some reason I feel my battery dying. I'm pretty pissed at vamps right now [nothing new] He's not even around & he still gets me pissed. Go figure. Anyway. I'm mad cause I'm convinced he's lied to me. I don't care what he says, he knows I don't believe what he says but what's making me mad is that he won't admit to it. He's sticking to these little stories and the more I sit back and think about them the more I see that some really don't make any effin sense. Like the whole not calling thing. I don't know many jobs that don't allow phone calls. Show me one and then maybe I'll let up on that. I also don't know many corporate jobs that allow you to be M.I.A for two freaking months. Again show me one and maybe I'll back off. I don't know why this is bothering me now for since he's been playing this job game for the last 9 months but it is. I want him to freaking admit it and then from there I'll have the lovely question of where the hell is it you really go every night. I'm very skeptic, very paranoid. But I don't think that these thoughts to be credited to that completely. Ugh. I can't wait to have this freaking conversation with him. It's going to irk me until I do even if I don't get any real answers this is one I can't keep to myself for much longer. He said to tell him what's really on my mind even while he's there so yea. This was a very weird rant. Don't know where it came from. Blah. I just wanna UGH!! There's probably more that I think he's lying about but that's the biggest thing that's bugging me right now...=/ Anyways like I was saying. I need some freaking sleep, so I'm gonna go home and just relax. Oh yea. Laptop's broken so yea. No internet life for me when I get home. All I got to keep me entertained is television and my beloved books. I need to get new ones cause I'm like reading old books over, while at the same time reading Blond Faith. [which is new to me] Um. I should have just called this a rant cause this has nothing to do with sleep.

=[

It's so depressing thinking about the fact that my life is somewhat over before it even started. Vamps & I never got to "go out" like a couple. Like the way I wanted and we never will. It's fcked up that sometimes thinking about whats about to happen makes me depressed cause it's not their fault. I mean I could still have that life but that would make me a bad parent and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to. I'm sure we could still have a nice, fun life. Granted we even work out. It's funny cause I was the first one always saying that "young" pregnancies aren't the end of the world. And I know it's not but IDK. It's just so much to deal with right now, and it's only gonna get worse.

Just Like That

I'm not liking the feel of this place anymore =[

Um

I think I just found a soft spot in my lovely school. I'm not 100 percent on this but I think Florida has shitty weather. =[. Gotta check into that.

*But then again do I really care or am I just making up reasons in my head not to go?*

The One?

IDK if this is the one but I just picked the most rockin-est school lol. Granted the location checks out then I will say it's perfect. It has both of the majors, I finally found a school that has my freaking major. I would end up with a Bachelors of Fine Arts in Digital Arts. [I think] but that's the besides the point. The other thing I have to check into is what if it would be required to major in both or is it all in one. I'm getting happy but also nervous cause if I get in and go there I'll be really moving. Not like what I was thinking when I would just go to Jersey or up state. I'd be going away and setting up a home for me and my little munchkin. NO idea how I would get everything set up before school starts but that's part of the fun =] I can't wait to tell my mom that I finally picked something. And I'm happy that now I can go through the process cause last year when I finally decided I wanted to go to school it was past the deadlines. I'm rambling but I'm excited so whatever. =D

Ugh

Heartburn and a tummy ache. I have heartburn and a freakin tummy ache =[ I'm going to go get some baking soda water and then I'm gonna drink some milk. It's 12 at night but I'm also considering making brownies =/.

Another Blah

So I'm sitting here in the living room, it's sorta dark other than the light from the kitchen and the tv. I'm eating my first meal of the day and listening to an old episode of the kardashians and I must say it's all making me depressed. Today I sat in court from freakin 9 or 10 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon cause of vamps and when he comes out I don't even think he looked at me. I could be wrong since I didn't talk to him today. He hasn't called [yet] He could've just been really upset at the news he got cause they did suck. I just wish I could talk to him about what happen today. I am happy though that his next appearance isn't like a month away like some of the other people that got seen. I think I sat through EVERYONE lol. Cause when I left there was no one in there. I sat through everyones freakin cases. Anyways, I'm going to go finish my food and IDK read a book or something.

Childcare

Yay I have hit yet another road block. It goes by the name of childcare. It was just discovered that no matter what job I get now or job I get later at this moment I have no childcare. Cause right now the first option would be like public assistance childcare but since we all know that's going to have a waiting list the other option is all the other ones which leads to the problem of how am I paying for them. I have no way to pay for them depending on how much they fucking cost. I know I should have been realized this but this is a lot of crap to figure out in a really short time.

Untitled

I am becoming very very agitated. I feel more and more pregnant, I feel more and more stressed. I can't figure out what to do in this damn situation and it's pissing me the fuck off. I need to get the hell out of this house but I don't know who it was that said to suck it up and deal with this shit cause it's best for the baby was but that's what I'm doing. I know there's no way out of this house until I'm 18 and sad to say that is still four months away so for the next four months I will be trying to make as much money as possible doing who knows what. I have to figure this shit out with apparently no freaking assistance and you what right now I just want to leave this place and never look back. Since I thought I was staying for the help but now I see I'm pretty much just staying for a room.

Blah

I'm sitting here staring at a blank window with no idea what to write and it's driving me crazy. I have serious writers block. I don't know what to do. I need a start. Come on thoughts flow. FLOW. *breathe* & apparently I'm hungry. Heard it straight from the stomachs gurgle. lol

Mmm Milk Duds

I'm sitting here eating Tostitos and do you know what would go really good with them right now? Milk Duds. I haven't had Milk Duds in a long time but I would kill for them right now and I'm mad my mom just called. I wish I would have known I was gonna want some cause I would've asked BUT I do have cookie dough coming soon so yay to that. lol. As well as a hot pocket hopefully =]. Anyways that the end to my little food rant.

Happy New Year!!

I think I drunk my babys weight in sparkling cider lol. It's been a long night, & while I'm grateful & happy that I'm alive to see another ball drop with my family there were parts of the night when I just wished I was somewhere else. I got into a fight with my father over something as stupid as a game of blackjack, which anyone who knows the game will tell you the rules are ultra simple & really have no room for argument but if you wish to argue with me on that then I'm sure Vamps can attest to the fact that I have no issues with the game 21 itself. SMH. That was after the ball dropped though & after we had been playing spades for about an hour. Also after I sat there trying to show my mom how to do shots. lol. She looked at me like I was crazy cause I actually had no problem drinking bacardi straight & made a slight comment referring to me & vamps personal version of tequilla [151] I mentioned something about a lemon & some salt & actually made myself smile, thinking about the day me & vamps did "tequilla shots" in Mickey D's. Even though ours involved buffalo sauce lol. The funny thing is, even though the bottle wasn't even below the label line they were pretty much drunk & I think I got irritated cause it's hard to deal with them drunk when I'm not even tipsy. Cause stuff that wouldn't be a bother was cause I was already tired & had a headache. Tonight was definitely a difference from last year. & I pretty much spent it going from having fun to being mad & thinking about how different this new year is from last. I had already spent the day thinking about how different this whole year was from last year. It was such a difference. I was such a dfferent person. & I kept thinking how did I get this way & when did it all change but I don't even know. The year of 08 was a special one, a short one & a somewhat stressed one but I'm still happy that I was there for it.