Stronger

I wish i was stronger and had the nerves to do all the things that are going through my head. Today was judgement day for me and i guess i got hella lucky since my life doesn't have to change. I know J will be relieved but at the same time i don't know if i am...I mean with all the stuff we've been faced with in the last couple of days you'd think J would have been a little more helpful and not so damn selfish. But at the same time i have to know when to walk away from a situation thats no longer good for me. I still feel sick which means i have to go to the doctor...i really don't want to know what they come up with...im so scared. But i can't run forever right. Gotta stop some time....