Simple Plan

I WANNA GO TO THEIR CONCERT SO EFFIN BAD =[
iM pretty much in agony right now since I know that will never happen...I've asked my mom for enough already this month and im broke so I guess I won't be seeing them anytime soon...*sigh* man i love them

Am I bitter?

That seems to be a question thats keeps floating around. Each time I feel my heart freeze over I think that maybe I am getting extremely close to it. I can't sit here and say that it doesn't bother me knowing that anything happy turns my stomach or that anything good that happens in my life is blocked out or replaced by a cynical thought or sarcastic comment. An outlash of anger or a inward slash of hate. I had a good day today...no scratch that I had a GREAT day today...I was myself...my happy go lucky self even the rudeness of my ex couldn't kill my buzz. It wasn't until an hour ago when I called my boyfriend, who btw has been MIA for oh say 3 days, that I felt my blood boil. I called him expecting to get his voicemail but shockingly received a real live person. Yay right?? Uh how about no...I get to talk to him for all of two minutes before he tell me that he's on the phone with someone so I have to call him back. Me being the genius I am actually hangs up before a wonderful thought crossed my mind. Who the hell is he talking to that is more important than me. Wanna know who comes to mind? His fucking baby mama. I'm thinking that's who had him occupied all week even though I have NO reason to believe this. I'm not liking this control he has over me. I'm hating the fact that I actually like him...I can't stand the fact that I've let myself actually feel for him. I know that this can only end in pain but I can't really see myself walking away. Not just yet anyway. Not until I have to. Even though I should go now before my feelings get hurt...that would be the wise choice the obvious choice. But no...my stupid ass is going to sit through this probably sick to my stomach for the most part, to only one day end up sitting in my room crying about how he screwed me over. Cynical thoughts raining down on a good thing maybe...but bitter? eh not just yet.

V.Day is comiing && I CAN hardly wait...

I am so sick of all this lovey dovey early year crap...better known as Valentines day. Every year it's the same damn thing...the same effin boyfriends that don't do shit. its January 23 and all I'm hearing is what should get my girl for valentines day, what do guys like as gifts, should i get this ring or that, where are you gonna go??...GEEZIT DUDE ITS ENOUGH ALREADY! It sucks && it's not even here yet. Already I'm hating the people that are gonna be all kissii face && enjoying their roses && effin gifts. The holiday is stupid, stupid && more stupid.
*sigh*
SMH i'm done.

IDK

ok so iM feeling type shitty right now. Today had to be one of the if not the worst days of my life. Hell this week as just been so screwy. I keep going from this feeling of utter happiness and giddiness to wanting to walk right into traffic. I literally had to stop myself tonight as i stood on the corner feeling as if i was done for. My chest hurt and I just stood there crying watching the cars go by and writing a poem. It was as if it just all made sense. So I stood on the edge of the street in a moment that felt so surreal. All i saw was lights coming and going pass. I could see myself walking in front of them. My body heaved as i cried upset about everything and nothing. I couldn't get a grip of reality and it took everything in me to call someone. I was terrified of myself and my thoughts so i called the one person i knew that wouldn't make it worse. Now iM siiting here feeling like shit again. Why? Good question but i don't have the answer. Anyway thats all i had to say so iM out.

*sigh* It's Time...

I'm deadass thinking about getting a job...lol...i say that like its unnatural or something. i shoulda been got a job but i've been stalling BIG time but I'm getting sick of not being able to buy what i want. Its like even though my mom gives me money she kinda still has a say in what i do with it so yea. I'm gonna start my job hunt this week. Even if everywhere i go says you have to be freaking eighteen. Thats what sidetracked me in the first place but i think i'm willing to give it a second go.